So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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