She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
