i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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