I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
did you just send me my own nude
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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