NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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