Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
