You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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