It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
