Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
