it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
