guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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