awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
