Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
