I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
