he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
