please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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