make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
