she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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