Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
