My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
