i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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