and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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