I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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