That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
