Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
