I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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