Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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