you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Who died my cat blue again?
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