he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize