On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
