I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
