S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
