just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
