I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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