I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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