My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
