That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize