i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
