I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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