your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
