I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
