youre lurking in front of me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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