He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
