I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
