The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
