so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
