seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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