How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize