He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
