just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
