Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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