There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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