Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
