Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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