the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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