i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
