Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
