I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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