Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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