Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize