a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
