real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
