He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
