Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
