I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
