So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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