i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
