you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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