Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize