im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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